Paris Hilton - The Material Girl

So, I was at Central on Monday night, as usual, and they were having Tia-oke, as usual. 4 those who don't know, Tia-oke is this gay bar Central Station's version of karoake - it's hosted by a really scary drag queen named Tia Chambers and you can win a lot of money. Tia, honey, if you're reading this, I say scary drag queen with nuthin' but love! Muah! Anyhoo, I noticed it was really packed! Then I found out why - Paris Hilton was to make an appearance. Apparently, she was in Baltimore filming her stupid "reality" show "The Simple Life". Well, the skinny heiress did make an appearance and after declaring her love for us homosexuals, she attempted to sing Madonna. First "Dress You Up" and then she got on a pool table and started dancing (or should I say gryating like a snake charmer) and trying to sing "Material Girl". Ok, first off, she can't sing. You could barely hear her, her voice was so soft it barely registerd above a whisper. It was so bad, Tia the scary drag queen with the raspy dragon voice had to help her out. (God, I hope Tia doesn't read this cuz I'm gonna get my ass chewed out if she does. She likes embarrassing her patrons.) Secondly, if she can't even do karoake, how the hell does she plan to release a CD? Is she serious? Must be somebody else singing on that record or she has a LOT of production help. Anyway, it will be funny to see what, if anything, they put on TV from that night. I wish I would have been drunk. I would have enjoyed it more. Instead I was thinking heavily about a boy I'd recently met, hoping he would call ...

He didn't.